I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
