I am midnight drunk by noon
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
