I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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