After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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