i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
