Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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