Your tits are I can't wait for
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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