I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
