She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
