I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize