One girl and one boy is just not enough.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
