so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize