I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
