Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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