im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
