Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
