I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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