STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
