And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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