Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
