your parents love me but you hate me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
