dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
