The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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