I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
