I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
