i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
