never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
