at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
