Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
