super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
