Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize