im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
