margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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