Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
