So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
