real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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