I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm at about main and main street
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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