I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
