Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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