I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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