Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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