once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
