Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
