THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
