I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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