this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
