life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
