I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
