he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
