Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
