I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
