Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
