I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
