if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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