Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
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