I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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