Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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