Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
