U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
