can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
