Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
