We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
