well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
