New low: just hacked my moms facebook
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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