Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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