Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
