If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
