what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
