I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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