the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
