My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
