i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
