Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
