So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize