everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
