My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize