hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
