The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your cock deserves a montage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
