and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
