hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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