i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize