i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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