Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
