There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
